real computer science

From some experience, I’m convinced this is how girlfriends, parents and housemates imagine computer science is taught:

Exam is set in a workshop. An undergraduate is being tested for ‘PC Fixing 101’ by the lecturer who is seated in front of a single PC running Windows 97.

Prof: Before we start, you’ll notice that this machine is starting to run very slowly. It’s grinding to a halt. What is likely to be the cause of this?
Student: Dust?
Prof: Let’s see. (he applies his mouth to the floppy drive door and blows vigorously. Dust flies out the back and the machine dramatically accelerates.) Excellent!
Prof: Now, we want to get on the internet for the first time. What steps must we take?
Student: Type ‘net’?
Prof: (aghast) Idiot boy! First we need to physically connect the PC! How do we do this?
Student: An ‘internet’ cable… (sheepish)
Prof:…plugs into…?
Student:..the ‘web-wall’ socket..
Prof: ..and the..
Student: …’PC-email’ socket.
Prof: ..and THEN we type ‘net’. Not before! (Taps in ‘net’ and IE appears bearing the Central Web Index)
Prof: Finally, I suspect I may have a virus. What might indicate this?
Student: Erm… crusty interfaces?
Prof: It’s possible, but there is a simpler way to check. (he turns the mouse over). Dirty ball, see? (student nods) How do I fix this?
Student: Replace the mouse?
Prof: Costly. Placing it in boiling water for 30 minutes will be sufficient. Okay, we’ve finished slightly early so I might as well test you on ‘PC Buying Advice 101’. I’m a 35 year old professional male. I like golf and the colour black. Which PC do you advise?
Student: Dell Inspiron 1000 with 30.. no, 40GB hard drive.
Prof: Very good.

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